As I look around at the society I was born into—a Western, "civilized" community—I recognize that, from my earliest days, I was pulled into the undercurrents of an unconscious society. This society is perpetually influenced by the silent, ever-evolving trends and "values" of pop culture. The way we are taught to communicate with others, the norms we so easily abide by, and the ideals we hold so dearly without reason are largely sculpted by societal standards rather than a conscious connection to a deeper truth fueled from within. Pop culture, this behemoth of ideas, attitudes, images, and popular phenomena is so seamlessly fed to us by mass media and stimulates the collective appetite for consumption. It's the music we hum, the fashion we flaunt, the TV shows we binge-watch, the movies we discuss, the digital games we get lost in, and the social media trends we follow.
Like a fish blissfully unaware of the polluted water it swims in, we struggle to perceive the influence this conditioned narrative has on the pervasive difficulties we encounter today concerning our well-being. I find myself pondering the likelihood that most, if not all, of our troubles—be it anxiety, self-esteem issues, unchecked materialism, relational conflicts, or a severed connection to our life's purpose and authentic identity—might just be the fallout of our society's unconscious subscription to the scripts written by pop culture.
Why do We Buy Into a Toxic Narrative? The Lure of Pop Culture
Cultural norms and narratives, particularly those propagated through pop culture, often thrive on the universal human need for belonging and identity. Pop culture’s reach is vast, and its influence is subtle yet powerful, offering an illusion of shared experiences and communal wisdom. The "trends" and symbols that it promotes often serve as social currency, enhancing an individual's sense of acceptance and esteem among peers. In pursuit of recognition, validation, and a semblance of connection, we frequently adopt these collective cues without question, not realizing that this compliance may unconsciously erode our awareness of true self and intrinsic values. Enticed by the promise of inclusion, "self-worth," and the fear of ostracism, we naturally slip into the void and buy into pop culture's toxic and conditional narratives to our own detriment.
In vs. Out: An Assessment from the Outside Looking In
The feeling of nostalgia that we experience when we hear a song from our younger years or see a collection of toys or trends that we used to enjoy can make us feel like those were the "good old days." Even though I now know that some of these norms and trends aided in some of the problems my generation faces today, I still feel waves of pleasure when I reminisce about them.
The harm that comes from certain social norms and trends isn't so much in our engagement with them as it is our lack of awareness as to why we are engaging in them and how we are allowing them to impact our self-perception, perception of others, and our values.
For example, I grew up a 90's baby, born on the tail end of the 80's. Britney Spears was my idol, marrying a Backstreet Boy was a daydream, watching Nickelodeon and playing my purple transparent Gameboy were my addictions, and Abercrombie and Fitch was a must if I wanted to be part of the "cool crowd." And while I relish in the memories, when I look back, I can also see the negative impact these influences had on my life. I stressed daily about my appearance, judged myself for not being beautiful enough, for having a wardrobe that consisted mostly of Walmart fashion and hand-me-down clothes, for not having a cell phone—you know, the ones that you could change the covers to and get jewels for the antennas—and envious of the teens whose parents let them watch movies like American Pie and Scary Movie.
All this is just the surface of the outcomes of social norms. For decades, maybe centuries, young girls have been influenced by pop and movie stars who promote sexuality at a very young age. Cosmetics encourage us to deny our natural appearance, and TV shows and tabloids promote drama, conflict, vainness, ego-centrism, infidelity, and a compulsion to have more, be more, and see life as a dog-eat-dog world, fueling unnecessary competition. Although I was somewhat aware of these implications growing up, they seemed subtle, and I just accepted them as the norm and went along with it willingly because a part of me enjoyed it all.
But now, after years of deep self-work, I have naturally gravitated away from these norms—not because I am forcing myself to abstain from them, but because I genuinely have zero interest in them anymore. In fact, most of the things I used to value and engage in I find utterly repulsive, like reality TV, most mainstream music, and superficial trends.
Is It Really as Bad As All That?
I will let you be the judge of that. I'm not here to condemn but to illuminate the possible toxic and harmful effects of social norms. It's not just my opinion. Research has shown the undeniable correlation between pop culture and sexualization and objectification of girls and women, toxic masculinity, bullying, overconsumption, insecurity, debt, low self-esteem, violence, disconnection to self and others, anxiety and depression, substance abuse, and more.
The challenge, I believe, is that we are so enthralled in the nature of these things, indoctrinated from birth, that we fail to see the extent of it all. Only after months or years of detoxing from these norms are we able to see with clarity their impact on our lives and those around us.
Take co-dependency, for example. Listen to almost any love song, and you will hear it. "I can't live without you." You are my everything." "You complete me." "I'd be lost without your love." "If I can't have you, I don't want to live." Even the normalization of possessiveness, like, "You are mine." "I am yours."
Is it any wonder we have unhealthy relationship attachments? We have been conditioned to believe we need another to be whole, to 'complete' us to be happy, fulfilled, worthy...
Side note: Once I accepted that I was 'complete' all by myself, and I learned to love myself without needing the validation of others, that was when I met the person who has enriched my life—someone to share my life with, not complete it.
When we realize that many of the things we are exposed to and are encouraged to value and engage in are causing us many of the challenges we face, we can start to question what it is that WE want out of life, what truly fosters a sense of fulfillment beyond the material and superficial world.
What is Possible? Escaping the Falsehoods of Pop Culture:
While this may seem too distant for some to conceptualize, imagine having your basic needs met (food, shelter, health, etc.) and feeling just as fulfilled as if you had all the riches in the world. Imagine being so content with your state of being that you were just as elated and happy to do nothing as you would be to travel the world and experience every pleasure known to humanity. Again, this may seem bizarre or even impossible for some to fathom because we are so wrapped up in the narrative that we need all these things and experiences to experience these feelings of bliss and pleasure, but I can tell you from experience that we don't. However, it does take a deep sense of contentment and a constant (not forced) cultivation of gratitude for who we are and the basics of life. The first step is awareness. Awareness of the messages and falsehoods that pop culture has been promoting for centuries.